The dreaded TEENAGE- PARENT DISCONNECT & so called- GENERATION GAP
Hi friends I’m back with a topic of
interest ….something which each one of us Parent to teenage
children can relate to and always want to find a solution to.
Today, myself who is a Parent to a Teenage Son as well, will try and address this everlasting problem
in the most simplest of ways. Hope I can help find few solutions for all on the
topic during the course of my blog today.
Let’s
start to tackle the issue by understanding the issue between the teenage child
and the parent first. The disconnect or conflict starts when the child reaches
the “Teen-age or becomes 13-14 yrs of age. Infact this teenage starts from 13yrs
and lasts till 19yrs,when the kid grows into A “YOUNG ADULT”(a good 5-6 yrs) so
no respite for parents for 5-6 yrs thereafter-may God bless all us parents :)
So,
till that time the kid listens to what the parent has to say on all the topics
under the sun. As He/She reaches the age of 13-14 yrs things start getting
change slowly and steadily. We as parents don’t realize that the kid has now developed
a brain which thinks differently ,their hormones kicks in & the whole world
around has opened for them which offers a perspective which is vastly different
to what they have been fed all these years.
The
understandings of the things they were made to believe all these years ,now
seems to be OUTDATED to them hence the disconnect or the conflicts start
appearing which catches the parents off-guard and suddenly we start thinking –“What
has happened suddenly ?? Has our upbringing lacked somewhere in all these
years??” And what not. We as parents, dosen’t realize that this is a normal
and natural phenomenon which happens within each and every Family on this Earth.
Let me add two examples for a better understanding
here –
One of my close friend with
a teenage son complains that her son do share his problem with her but out
rightly rejects the solution given by her and her husband as Obsolite,Old Fashioned
or Irrelevant and he starts complaining about the vast age gap or “Generation Gap”
as we address it today .
One other friend shares that
her teenage son asked her for a solution as to how he can get rid of his addiction
to Mobile and TV. She tried her best by telling him simply to take care of the
number of hours he uses up on these two electronic gadgets but he refused to take
that as a solution and things went into an argument and it all ended up on a
sour note.
So…Now
the Big Question is –How to address this evergreen issue the best possible way?
Well to start with, we as parents should stop
first blaming ourselves, our upbringing style and should stop getting shocked due
to the teenage behavior. We need to understand that this is natural phenomenon
and we need to address it very tactfully.
What
I believe is, we as parent should revamp our relationship with our kids as they
enter the teenage. Let’s understand the age of the typical parenting is far gone.
The life & times has changed from what we witnessed and grew with. We never
used to be so open with our parents, never used to question their believes
& understanding and followed it to the tee. Rightly so the environment around
was also not what it is today. Thankfully we never got bombarded with
uncontrolled information as it is today all thanks to EASY ACCESS to “I-Net
& Cable TV”. The so called “peer pressure” today was
something unknown for us .The world was never so “Competitive” during
our times.
Just think of what our kids are witnessing
and facing in today’s environment!! The conflicts and dead logs are bound to happen
until we tend to mend our ways & move into the “New
Age parenting”.
As our kids enter the Teenage, we as parents
need to shift our gear from being a typical parent to a “BUDDY” with a clause. Yes
you heard it right-Buddy with a clause means you need to be a buddy to your
teenage kid with whom you can interact as one does with his/her buddy where both
the parties are open to discuss anything and everything under the sun without
judging each other but both the parties should also keep in mind the
relationship sanctity & the vast experience of the parent can never be
ignored.
While addressing and providing the solution
to the kid, the parent should patiently listen
to the kid with all ears just as a buddy does. Half of the issue
gets automatically resolved when we listen to them like a buddy without judging
or cutting them in between with our gospels. I mean c’mon they are no child any
more but a teenage with a sensibility. Believe me most of the times a kid only
needs an ear to hear him/her out which he/she looks for outside the house when
not fulfilled at home or the wall of typical parenting is too high for him/her
to climb. This results in a gradual detachment and leads to formation of a
mindset that “parents don’t understand”. I’m sure no parent wants to
have such a situation although we all eventually fall into the same situation.
Secondly, after a patient hearing, a parent should put themselves into the situation & provide
multiple options as a solution to the kid’s problem rather than
giving “gyan”.Remember buddy with a clause??
Most of the times the solution need not be
the typical answer as expected. Let’s go back to the examples I shared earlier-
The solution given by the parent might be
the BEST solution as per the parent but in the point of view of the teenager it
can be the typical parent solution on the expected lines which he /she doesn’t
want to hear, resulting in the dead log.
On the other hand, if the parent had said “Look I’m very happy to hear that you understand
that Mobile & TV are eating up most
of your time and you want to change this picture, let’s see what we can do to
change the scenario…would you like to have few good books to read in your free
time?? Let’s go to the market and buy few books of your interest!! {This way you are inculcating a habit of reading in the
kid which will eventually improve his/her vocabulary and expression}”
Or how about “Lets
go out every day for 1-2 hrs and invest our time into playing some sort of sport
of your choice?? I challenge you. {Bringing
out his/her competitive spirit}”
Or “I would appreciate if we
both go out to the market and you helping me out buying stuff for the house! {Bringing in the responsibility}”
Or “Let’s clean the house
together!! We will start with your room! {Habit of keeping your surrounding clean}”
There can be umpteen ways to keep him/her engaged
and simultaneously de-addicting from the electronic gadgets.
But the idea is not to give them the typical
sermon but involve yourselves with them in gradually solving the problem .Ultimately
they are our kids and they need our time as well let alone the atmosphere we
are providing for their betterment and the money we are spending for their
wellbeing.
After all there are only a
few years left till the time they flew out of the nest to make their careers.
I understand the issue today with both parent
working, nuclear families & single parents the time is a constrain but just
sit back and think…
For whom we are working day in day out, earning
money like maniacs??
Our Kids only na!!
If given a choice what will you choose a
kid well brought up who is on the same page with you or a kid with lot of
dissent, conflict and fixed mindset that “parents will never understand??”
I’m sure no parent would like to
live with this heartache.
Think about it!!
And please comment what are your viewpoints
on the subject addressed.
I would love to have your comments below.
Bye for now until next time!
