Can an Indian Homemaker find her own Identity...

Home Maker, House Manager or plain House Wife whatever the name one gives to a person who works selflessly to manage a household all 24 hours-365 days a year without a salary, this blog post is dedicated to this unsung heroine of every household. (I know I’m going to offend lot of Husbands & In laws here but this one is for the woman of the House).

Right from the time one is married in a joint family or a nuclear family, a girl is roped into managing the house, leaving behind her own dreams, aspirations & passion. Her sole aim becomes to make sure the house is maintained well, Kids, In-laws & Husband are taken care of.

The Girl’s parents think that they have performed their duty well by marrying her off in a well to do family to a decently earning boy and their girl’s future is secured. She should have no complaints.

The In-laws think that they are providing a good and healthy environment to their “Bahu” and she should be happy & contented with that.

Her Husband thinks that he takes good care of her, bring in sufficient money to run the house,fulfills her all needs so she should be satisfied with the life she has, anyhow she doesn’t do much work at home.

Once the Kids come into the picture the situation becomes even more serious. Now the additional duty of taking care of kids is also enthrusted on the mother. No doubt In-laws do provide a helping hand in taking care of kids in some cases but the major challenge lies solely with the mother. The Man of the house is not at all questioned as he is going out and earning for the family. His life runs the same way as earlier.

Result is, in majority of cases the Girl surrenders herself to the situation & forgets about her own “IDENTITY”.

This Blog of mine today is on this very topic of finding “Identity” of the Home Maker.

Now to start of with, during the course of my preparation of writing this blog, I tried talking to few Homemakers & unanimously almost all {although after some cajoling} said that yes they do nurtured a passion, a dream which they wanted to pursue & fulfill in life but somewhere somehow that dream has now taken a backseat in lieu of the responsibility of the family. Their Identity has gone missing somewhere.

They are not allowed to wear what they like as they are supposed to dress up in a certain way, they are not allowed to go out as per their own free will as they have to have somebody or the other alongside or simply wait for the husband to come back home to accompany (that too depends on his free will & mood), Their sleeping and waking times are fix as per the kids & In-laws routine. They can’t eat or drink in public as per their own free will, if they do so they are questioned let alone by the society but by her own family as well. They can’t take decisions on behalf of the family on their own (which she is looking after almost singlehandedly).The list is endless.

 In the literal words of one of the homemaker-“Shadi karna ek apraadh hai, jo kar daala hai, to ab kutch nai kar sakte” pictures the irony.

She is questioned by In-laws & Husband as “kya zarurat hai beta itna to kama leta hai ki ghar ache se chal jaye” or “Tume kis baat ki kami hai?” when she tries doing something and wants to contribute in the betterment of the family. Instead her sole motto in life remains taking care of her In-laws & Kids in a certain way; attend Family Functions irrespective of her willingness.

All in all she goes through a lot of Mental & Social pressure all her life gradually losing her own Identity & unknowingly just following what the family & society wants her to irrespective of her own willingness. Taking care of the family, keeping them happy & being dependent on Husband for everything gradually changes the mindset of the girl. She falls in the rut of “Log kya kahenge”& ”Samaj kya kahega”syndrome & basically gives up her own aspirations for the family.  

Can we change the typical scenario? Yes we can – Let’s see how-

First and foremost the homemaker in question should herself belief that this is possible .She does not need to put her passion on backburner just because she needs to take care of the Family. It is not too late to pursue your dream or passion. Where there is a will there is a way. She needs to raise her own opinion with her own parents before marriage & the In-laws afterwards to let them know what her own aspirations are. In majority of cases the family is unaware of any such thing so they need to be brought on the same page rather timely & tactfully.

She needs to bring them into the loop where they are all ears to what she wants to share. She should highlight  her own hobbies, passion which she wants to pursue alongside taking care of the family{off course she should harp upon the need for getting a helping hand wherever needed from Inlaws,Maids as well as her husband in this new scenario}.

A hobby and passion can also be put to financial gains which can bring financial stability & Independence which is very vital for discovering HER own Identity.

The Girl’s parents should understand that their girl although getting married can still have her own viewpoint and pursue her passion alongside .They should not feel ashamed or be on back foot while discussing the said topic with the prospective bridegroom’s family.

The would –be- In-laws also need to be open towards their Bahu’s Aspirations as they are towards their own Son’s and look at the scenario in a broader terms rather than thinking of bringing in a mere person in their family who will look after the house and raise kids only.The “Samaj- Kya- Kaheja syndrome” is only in the mind and nobody bothers, moreover when the family is on the same page it hardly matters.

Now comes the most important person in the picture-the Husband. This person is the most vital cog in the wheel .The Wife needs to talk one to one to him at the outset about her dreams, aspirations & should put forth her opinion of how she wants to pursue her dreams alongside managing the family. She should emphasize on creating her own Identity in midst of the family responsibility she is ready to carry along with his help. She should reiterate the fact that two is also better than one when it comes to earning a better livelihood for the whole family, only thing needed here is an equal opportunity for both the husband & the wife which will only be possible if everyone in the family thinks with an open mind & treats a girl & the boy as one .

When it comes to kids, even a mother can be a role model for them .They can be proud of their mother just as they are of their father. That will only be possible when they see their mother pursuing her passion & standing shoulder to shoulder with their father .It's high time we inculcate this feeling in our kids so that they go on & treat women as equals. This will also be helpful in changing the typical male mindset which leads to crimes against women.

All in all, the Society needs to change as a whole but the start will happen at the Family level to shake that change in the society.

A women’s Identity can only be established when she stands for herself & refuses to be a mere shadow who is working from background.

Come out …Explore your passion, your dream & stand tall alongside the husband not behind him.

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So, until next time….BYE!